Appreciate, Affirm, Accept and show Affection to Your Children

Appreciate, Affirm, Accept and show Affection to Your Children
By: Nathlee Grant

When we appreciate, affirm, accept and show affection to our children we give them materials that build self-esteem and confidence. This encourages them to confidently stand up for what they believe in and motivate them to do that which they aspire to do. When these materials are missing, the opposite is true, there is no self-esteem or confidence and as a result they shy away from situations.

I would only condemn me if I condemn you.

In reflecting of my love for my children, maybe two years ago, I realized that though I love them I was not able to express it. My expressions were anger and frustration which were results of unmet expectations. These unrealistic expectations only filled my heart with anxiety and fear that produces anger and rage. Pointing out their faults and flaws was easy since these would be the visible things in these moments. Constant strings of failure reminded them that they are failures. I was not in a position to authentically express appreciation, nor to affirm, accept and give loving affections to my children. I was too caught up with self-pity and doubt. I was relationally unhealthy. But you know, until we receive and accept God’s love we are not able or capable of giving love.

A mother responded to her child’s request, when he asked for help with putting on his shirt, saying “Are you a handicap, didn’t God give you two hands, don’t bother me and hurry up”. The child cried until he got the shirt on. Days later the mother was doing her laundry and wanted to have a conversation with her son, so she asked, “Son do you want to help me with the laundry?” Should I tell you what his response was? I will tell you nonetheless. He said, “Mommy I will answer you just as you answered me. ‘Are you a handicap, didn’t God give you two hands, don’t bother me?” Don’t think I am making this up, because I am not. Could he have known any other response considering this is the response he has gotten accustom to.

We can change the pattern:

I had to take a silent moment and honestly assess my feelings towards my children. I started by asking the tough questions:

•       Do I accept them for who they are?
•       Do I appreciate them?
•       If I do, can I affirm them?

 I went as far as to imagine some terrible things they could do and ask ‘can I authentically hug them in this’.

Our children need us so that they can be secure in who they are and whose they are.

Listen to Dr. Kathy Koch on Focus on the Family as she explains the 5 Core needs of a child.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_btaXpbk9g